Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream

This past weekend we took a trip to Columbus OH to visit our good friends Joey and Brendan and, my sister in-law and brother in-law, Kristi and Joel! Joey actually called us out to have my help in decorating his place! (Pics on Facebook) The house is townhome and with two single guys living there it mostly looked "crashed" in and not really lived in. After much decluttering, organizing, consolidating of stuff, cleaning, and finally decorating it definitely looks lived in now! It was a really fun project and a great time hanging out with them! I miss those boys and it was really great getting to see Kristi and Joel too!

While we were there we walked a couple of blocks down to this little ice cream shop called Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream. If you've ever been there than you know what a unique place it is! It's not your typical ice cream shop with flavors like Goat Cheese with Cognac Fig Sauce, Star Anise with Candied Fennel and Sweet Potato with Torched Marshmallows! I was in heaven with my trio of the goat cheese with fig sauce, sweet potato with marshmallow and a scoop of black coffee! YUM! Oh, and not to mention all the other flavors I sampled while trying to decide! If you're ever near a Jeni's CHECK IT OUT!

It was so nice to have a weekend away but no matter what kind of memories I'm creating my thoughts go straight to the one who isn't here creating them with us.

Little Red Riding Hood and the pumpkin!

It's been awhile (again!) since I've posted so I thought I'd quick put something up! I have the best of intentions to be a good blogger and I have a lot of ideas of posts. I love journaling and sharing my life this way but for some reason, at the end of the day when my to-do list still has a million things NOT crossed off of it, blogging is put on the bottom of the list. (sigh)

ANYWAY...

Not much is new around here. Andy's job is going well, my shows are picking up (thank goodness because we need the money!) and we are kept pretty busy with the normal every-day-life stuff!

I do have a few post ideas for some specific projects I've been working on and that sort of thing. Will I ever get to them?! I guess only time will tell!

We went trick-or-treating this past Halloween. I've never really put a ton of thought and effort into Halloween. The occasional party with friends here and there but nothing too serious. Now that we are having kids I'm getting more into it. I love the fun of dressing up and the challenge and creativity behind fabricating a costume! And don't the littles look so darn cute in costume?! I plan on putting more creativity and challenge into it for the coming years with some theme ideas. Really I guess it's all about family time for me. We were able to spend the evening with Andy's parents having dinner, trick-or-treating (which didn't last long with Gwen!) passing out candy, and sipping hot cocoa! It was a great evening of family time and I treasure those kind of times more than I ever used to.

Of course these kind of times make me ache even more for Olivia to be here with us. The "Olivia bunny" that you see in the picture is our comforting way of representing her as part of the family (which she still is because she still LIVES!) but how I long to see a 7 month old, crawling, dark-headed, and even fussy little girl taking it's place! I wonder what she would have been this year for Halloween. I probably would have dressed her up in Gwen's lady bug outfit from two years ago since she would have been the exact same age and, I'm sure, size...

It's times like this that things get rough.

Anywho enjoy the pic of Little Red and her trusty....er...pumpkin?! Yes we always take our dog trick-or-treating with us and dress her up! Doesn't everyone?!

Six Month's ago.

I didn't sit down to write a new post. I sat down to check my email (and facebook of course!!) but I glanced down at today's date...

Six months ago today I buried my baby girl.

Six months ago this evening I watched it start to rain, just like it is now, and wondered if she was safe and protected from the wet and cold.

Six months ago I got ready for bed wondering how I would EVER live life normally again.

My heart is heavy as I remember these details and many more but I am thankful for each day that God gives me with my loved ones and how He has shown me that I can live. I am thankful for the certainty of knowing that Olivia LIVES!

...but I still want her here.

One man's junk is another man's treasure!!

So we desperately needed an new tv stand. The dinky little one we had was, first of all, unsafe for kids to be playing around and, second of all, it couldn't house our gaming systems or dvd's-most importantly our wii! I had been on the lookout for something super cheap and found this gem at a flea market for $20 bucks. I was all excited to bring it home. After telling Andy I only paid $20 for it his response was "you paid money for that?" Ok, it really was a piece of junk but I saw the potential and due to it's size I knew it would work. It was full of cobwebs, mildew and just dirt and the outside was sure nothing fancy but with a bit of scrubbing, painting, glazing, antiquing, drilling, sawing (had to cute holes in the back for cords) and some new harware I'm quite happy with the results and I finally have my Guitar Hero back!
Oh, and please try not to focus on the shelf jammed with books and kids things...I'm working on that too!

My Super Big Girl!

So many changes have been happening in our house, actually in our family. Mostly just milestones and with each new one brings excitement, of course, but also the tiniest little ache that there is someone missing amidst all this celebration.

In the last couple of weeks we have (FINALLY) started potting training, which is going GREAT by the way. Still a few accidents here and there but she gets it and is trying and of course we act super stupid and make a huge big deal for each poopy and tinkle that makes it into the potty!! It's fun! Along with the potty training came the big-girl bed and that's going great as well! The first dentist appointment (great as well! She actually asked them to clean her teeth again when it was all done!), starting to understand things like Andy showing her how to race cows on the wii and even just getting to the age where we can start doing fun things like painting bird houses! I will say some of the fun was sucked out of that when I felt like I couldn't leave my spot standing behind her chair with my wet rag in hand to wipe every fresh smear of paint off of my red kitchen chairs before it dried!! However, they really DO grow up so fast and I am having a blast with my big 2 1/2 year old but I miss Olivia so much. Each new development that comes our way makes me instantly think that I won't get to enjoy these things with her, or she should be here to celebrate with, or Gwen should have the privilege of showing her little sister how to do these things...

I've been going through a devotional written by Nancy Guthrie called Hope. Ironically shortly after we decided on a name for Olivia a friend loaned me a book written by the same women who lost an infant daughter named Hope and while the circumstances are different most of it hits home. I was given the devotional and it has been a blessing to work through. More recently a chapter called Rest in Peace.

"I began to see that Hope's brief life on earth and quick deliverance into eternal life in the presence of God was not cruel or tragic. It was, in many ways, a gift to her, a protection from evil to come. Not that it felt less cruel or tragic to me. I felt robbed. I felt cheated...I don't want to loose Hope. I would like to see her grow. I would like to know her as an adult. But I also know that this life is filled with pain. And I don't think it is a tragedy that she will have the opportunity to be spared from evil, from the pain of this life, and be in the presence of God. This is what I believe. It is not necessarily how I feel. But believing this makes a difference in how I feel..."

Replace Hope's name with Olivia (or leave it for that matter since we did name her Olivia Hope) and this was pretty much written for me. And I CAN Rest in Peace knowing that I will see her again. I couldn't ask for a better situation for HER. Now ME is another story but if I've learned anything it's that this is not about me. Remind me of that later when I forget!!

Please don't stop praying for us. We do still hurt. It's only been six months! Some days it seems more and some days it seems less. I picture that while Gwen is learning to not get out of her big-girl bed each nap time Olivia would be in the next room in her crib starting to sit up by herself and maybe even crawling...Each new milestone is bittersweet.

Summer

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Well THAT mid-year resolution went right out the window!!

First of all I'm so sorry that I haven't been blogging lately. I have become consumed by summer. That's good and bad I suppose. Mostly good, however I have allowed myself to escape into vacations, gardening, trips to Lancaster, etc.

Many of you have been asking about my friend Jenn and her family. It didn't even occur to me that I ask you all to pray and then I didn't update. Noah was born on July 13th, lived for about 9 hours and went to heaven on the 14th. Andy and I went to his memorial service which was beautiful and very meaningful. As excruciating as it was to do that all over again only four months after Olivia's we were glad to be there for the Porsche family and to be refreshed with the sermon that the pastor spoke. Keep up to date with them at treasuringlifesblessings.blogspot.com

My brother and his family came out at the end of July to visit for 10 whole days!! It was so great to see them and to get the cousins together. We had a blast and didn't rest the whole time! Other than that I've been a crazy canning girl, taken many trips to Lancaster and have been busy with MOPS, Pampered Chef, Church and trying to do everything I can to savor every moment I have with my family. I admit that I have definitely let some things go and have used my grieving as an excuse (I can't really think of a better word) but on the other hand allowed myself to enjoy life as I know it to not get caught up in formalities. All that to say it's back to the grinding stone for me!

How are we? Well, I guess fine. I mean can you really be "fine" after loosing a child. Only five months in tells me I don't know the answer to that yet. We are definitely doing well, learning to grieve and heal with baby steps. We are obviously functioning and living normal life but not a day goes by where I don't get sad or miss my precious daughter like crazy. It still hurts a lot and I still need plenty of prayer from you! I heard the saying recently from a friend of mine regarding Michele and her son Hezekiah. The friend said to her "you will always have a Hezekiah shaped hole in your heart...". That pretty well sums it up. I will always have an Olivia shaped hole in my heart. Nothing, no child can fill it. Even now, after a truly great day, I am tearing up just writing this. It hurts. I want my daughter.

Above is a taste of what we did this summer.
Maybe if I say it again I'll follow through this time: I want to be a better blogger so see ya soon!

Prayer Request

Just a quick update on my friend, Jenn Porsche. Jenn is most likely in early labor and which is an answer to prayer! Little Noah (diagnosed with Trisomy 13) will be arriving SOON!! Please pray for their family...