waiting waiting waiting...

I had on my to-do list to make a blog update today but I really have nothing to say. Been to the doc a couple of times since my last post and we have come to a decision to induce on the 31st of this baby doesn't come before that. I don't LOVE the idea but the Doc was very firm with me that this baby is big and he doesn't want to be sitting with me in the office at 41/42 weeks with a baby that could be, at that point, between 11-12 pounds! I have to let myself believe that I made the best decision. I really don't want to be induced (and maybe I won't be) but the doc insisted that we have a plan so that's our plan.
This week has been pretty normal. Just maintaining the house, keeping busy and on my feet (to help things out of course) and entertaining Gwen. I did catch a bit of a stomach bug or something in the beginning of the week that hung on right up till today. I actually went to the hospital upon the nurses encouragement to make sure I wasn't in labor. I didn't think I was but I also know that I shouldn't take any sort of minor GI distress lightly when I'm this far along!
So for now I'm sitting on the couch watching "Gone With the Wind" (it's been on my list to watch since I finished the book several months ago) and hoping that Irene has her way and induces me herself! I've heard several times today that those sort of things are common! I really don't care if the weather is bad, I just want this kid out!!!

I'm ready!

I AM ready! A week ago I was still panicking. The baby's beds were not set up, clothes not washed or put away, bags not packed, no organization...but I worked my little (ok, big!) tail off and within a couple of days I am SO, and probably overly, prepared for the coming of this little one. I was also able to catch up and get the rest of my house in order and have come up with a weekly schedule of what I need to do daily to keep it that way! Sounds a bit dorky, yes, but it's working and it feels good knowing that if I have to drop everything and leave for a couple of days I'll come home to a house that's ready and welcoming!
Until then I just stay as active as possible glad for the distraction and hoping my activity will bring on labor! I'm also anxiously awaiting another Doc appointment today which should be quite interesting. I am 38 1/2 weeks now and this is the point they will start checking me and encouraging inducing early. My gargantuan kid was estimated to weigh about 8 pounds 3 weeks ago so of course we are all expecting at least a 10 pounder! I know these end ultrasounds are routinely inaccurate but I still don't doubt for a minute this kid is big! I'm actually battling with this a lot. I've been doing some research and talking to friends and I'm not yet convinced that inducing early is the best option for me. Reason being that I've been induced before (with Gwen) and it was certainly NOT an ideal experience. I had little choice in that situation because I had a bit of high blood pressure at the end my pregnancy with her so they induced me when I wasn't even close to going on my own. Much harder than an ordinary induction/delivery.
The second reason is that there are no concerns they see specifically in me that would cause complications, it's just an "across the board" thing-"these are the complications we can sometimes see with having big babies". Well, here's a news flash-I'M NOT A SMALL PERSON AND THIS ISN'T MY FIRST RODEO! Honestly though, if it's truly baby time won't he, for the most part, come naturally and MORE easily than if I was induced?!?! I am open to your experiences and advice so bring it on!
I suppose I'll know more at 12:10 today! Until sometime, as you can see in the pic, all my bags are packed...

Much to catch up on!

Once again I've dropped the ball on keeping this thing updated. (sigh) Anyway, it's been since MAY that I've last posted and I am ashamed of myself!
Let's see, what has happened...
Well may came and left with wrapping up our MOPS year, Mother's Day of course, a trip to the beach with some ladies from church...Oh-Andy and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary! I can't believe we've been married that long! I know it's really not THAT terribly long but it feels like it has been and to think of what all we've been through in our short life together. I can't imagine going through anything without him.
June was our dear Aunt Stella's 100th birthday!! We had a big ol' bash for her and my sister in-law, Kristi got to come out and be a part of that. Aunt Stella was delighted to have all her family around her. She's an amazing woman that has been blessed with an amazing long life and a wonderful family. She's sharp as a tack and I'm sure she'll celebrate more birthdays!! I also joined my dad this year as staff at Camp Conquest! It was Quest week and I was a little nervous about being 7 1/2 months pregnant and trekking up all those stairs and hills. Turns out it was one of the best weeks of my summer! I'm so glad I did it and can't wait till next year! (BTW I didn't really have to trek as much as I thought; they were more than willing to take me around in golf carts!)
July was our vacation to the shore with my in-laws! Kristi (sis in-law) got to join us again. She's also pregnant, expecting a boy) and we enjoyed being prego's on the beach together! Trust me, she was super cute with her little bump and I was, I'm sure, mistaken for Moby Dick more than once sitting out there in my maternity bathing suit! At this point who cares though, right?? At least pregnant women have an excuse!
I also had a lot of Pampered Chef business in July and traveled twice to Lancaster for some shows there! I love being there and seeing my family on those trips but I'll admit, it was getting a little much for this big momma to haul, drive and entertain with this huge belly of mine! I did get curtains for my house made while I was there which made me feel like I at least got a little more "checked" off my list! I also brought home a bunch of stuff from my parents garden which I was able to can 21 pints of tomatoes! THAT felt great considering I don't know how much of my usual canning I'll get to do before/after this kid comes.
And now it's August (I can't believe it!!) and here we are! I'm down to a weekly check-up at the doctor and each one brings about the same news-weight gain is great, blood pressure is great-baby is active-oh, and baby is HUGE! I've mentioned this before but we are expecting a rather large little boy! I've known this since the 20 week ultrasound but now, as we're coming down to the last days, I'm encouraged every appointment to induce a week early. An ultrasound a week or so ago showed the kid is already estimated to weigh over 8 pounds and my due date isn't till the 29th! (It also looks like he MAY have a mohawk, but we shall see about that!) I don't love this idea and I'm torn about what to do. On one hand I'm huge. I'm starting to feel like my whole front is just going to fall of one day and I certainly DON'T want to go over with this one. On the other hand I was induced with Gwen and it wasn't exactly a great experience. I had many, not-so-common, issues with that but I'm told that most likely, since this is my third, I don't need to expect that again. I also would like as natural of a birth as possible and would like to go into labor on my own eliminating as many drugs as possible. Some of my complications with Gwen's delivery were due to drugs and having Olivia with nothing at all was really the best! Of course the situation was NOT the best but I now know the difference between the two and would take her delivery any day (IN THE HOSPITAL!!) over Gwen's! I guess all that to say just pray that I'll go into labor on my own early!
So yeah, I'm all ready, everything is set up...oh wait no it's not!! I'm not ready at all! With all the traveling lately and wrapping up some of the things I'm involved in I haven't done much at all to get ready for this little guy! We did finally, with the help of my in-laws, get our furniture set up and ready to go but I have yet to finishing washing, folding, packing, getting things organized, etc. I'm done with cooking shows and traveling now for awhile so I can pretty much just stay home and do things till he comes! Maybe the more work I do the quicker he will come on his own!

I wish I was one of the cool bloggers...

...you know the kind. The kind that updates their blog every other day with cool pics and a way of writing that causes you to rush to the computer to see what they're up to! I really have good intentions of being this kind of person. I love the idea of documenting my life. At any time I can look back on what exactly we were up to a year ago. I can look at the pictures of Gwen and see how much she's changed. I can use this tool as a way to continue to heal and to share and to...well, just get it all out there! I really do have good intentions! Maybe someday...

ANYWAY, I guess you have all heard by now that we are expecting a SON!! I admit I was pretty weirded out when they first told me that we had "changed the recipe"! Are you kidding me?!? A BOY?!!! What the heck am I going to do with a boy?? That probably sounds weird to most of you. I really did want a girl. I'm not hoping or trying to replace Olivia. Trust me when I say I know that can never happen. I don't think I could feel for any other one of my children how I feel for her and I know she will NEVER be replaced or forgotten. But if I'm being completely honest I would have to say that, in some aspect, I believe I would like to gain back what I've lost. I do want Gwen to have a little sister at home, to dress them a like and have two pretty little girls that love each other. I want her to have that a sister to grow close to over the years and share everything with. And who knows, maybe that will still happen some day. Anyway, by the end of the day I was thrilled! This little (or should I say big!) boy has been given to us because this is what we are supposed to have at this time! And yes he seems to be perfectly healthy!! We are blessed!

When I look back...

This has been quite a week for us! We have celebrated the birth AND the going home of our dear little girl. Today is actually day Olivia went to be with Jesus but, to be honest with you, I haven't really thought about it too much. We have a GREAT support team (all of our friends and family) and they have really encouraged us and carried us through.
I mentioned in the last post that I would write at a later time about our "festivities" that we had planned for O's birthday. We had the honor of celebrating her birthday with an intimate group of people this past Saturday. I had tossed around the idea several months ago about having a first birthday party but didn't know if I really wanted to and how it would be viewed. I was encourage to "go for it" and so on Saturday we had a birthday party with cake, gifts and the whole nine yards! Yes, I said gifts! Instead of bringing a traditional gift for a one year old, we asked people to make a donation of any kind to a charity or ministry of their choice-something that was "near and dear" to their hearts and in honor of Olivia Hope Fretz. If they didn't have something in mind they could bring a donation of diapers, clothes, money, etc to the party to be later donated to the NICU at CHOP. We asked everyone to wrap the "gifts" up as they would a present and we opened them at the party and shared aloud what each family had chosen to do! We had quite a remarkable turn out of donations and I pretty much bawled the whole time as I thought about all the thought and love that was put into each gift! It was truly a precious time and gave me much happiness to have everyone be together and honor our little girl they way they did! Thank you everyone for making that evening so special!
So while this week could really be a bummer of a time for me, it truly is the opposite! I have much peace and contentment about where we are right now and the things that I have seen in the last year when I look back! I NEVER thought I could get through anything like this but I can, have and will continue to do so because God's promises are real! I see that everyday! Like I've said, there are still hard times and probably always will be. No new baby can replace my love and desire to have Olivia in my arms. I want her and nothing will ever change that but time does have a way of changing your perspective and I know that without going through this terrible ordeal I would not be the person I am today and the woman I am continually being formed to be. Just who that is is to be determined but I know I am changing more and more all the time into the woman He wants me to be.
And BTW, if some of you didn't catch the memo, we ARE expecting our number three sometime late August! I am 17 weeks and gettin' fat and sassy! As exciting as this news is it still brings a lot of mixed emotions for me so that's why the announcement is a bit late. Just pray for me as I do my best to keep my mind focused on the happy and positive of this pregnancy and away from the "what if's". We have no reason to fear but I will until this baby is safe in my arms! I have my ultrasound scheduled for April 12th. That will be the usual 20 week ultrasound that will show us the general health and well being of the baby. This is the same appointment that first showed us something wasn't right with Olivia and changed my life forever so as you can imagine I am anxious to get in, get out and have a clean bill of health! Oh, and YES we will find out the sex!
The picture above is me surrounded by some very special women. I first have to say that ALL of my friends have been tremendous to me in supporting me and just being there for me. I have heavily relied on a few of you and can't thank you or express my love enough. The woman in the picture have all lost children similarly to our loss and it has been such a blessing to get to know them and to have them in my life. They truly know the emotions and fears that I have and, although I hate HOW we met, I can't imagine not knowing them and not having them in my life. I love you Kerry, Jenn, and Michele!

Happy Birthday My Precious Daughter!

We celebrated Olivia's first birthday this past Wednesday. It was the 16th. I can not believe it's already been a year since she was born here at home, right on the living room floor!! If you haven't read THAT story and want to hear more check it out here! It's a good one! But Anyway it's really mind blowing to me to think of all the things that have happened and how our life has completely changed in the last year! There have been some hard times but honestly I wouldn't take any of it back! Yes there's been a lot of pain that I care to never experience again and I know some of it will continue, but our precious bundle, as short as her life was, brought to us a very special gift! The Lord used her to teach us more about Him, ourselves and the people that surround us than we could ever have imagined! We are forever changed!
We didn't do much on her actual birthday. We will be having festivities at a later time but we wanted to keep things small and intimate on Wednesday. We took Gwen out to the grave and left some pansies and a birthday balloon. Gwen wanted to sing so we choked out the words to happy birthday and talked a little about Olivia being "there" and the other little babies; mostly baby Owen who is right beside Olivia. I know she doesn't quite understand but I am comforted in knowing that, despite her young age, we do everything we can to keep her reminded of her sister and the situation to the best ability that a 3 year old can understand. Yes, she is now 3! Just on the 9th, in fact!
After the grave we went out to lunch since we would normally do that for a birthday! It was nothing special but at least it's something we can carry on and our family will always acknowledge Olivia's birthday the same way we do with everyone else. I also want to keep the birthday cake tradition going but I didn't have to bake a cake this year! My "sister's", Jenn and Michele, surprised Gwen and me with a beautiful birthday cake with Olivia's picture on it the last time we were together! They even had a "one" candle and all the kids (all 11 of them) sang happy birthday and gave me homemade cards and pictures that they had made for her. Talk about a misty moment! I love those girls! I had plenty of cake to bring home and share with Andy!

More later but I'm pooped and need to get my beauty sleep!

Blah Blah Blah Blah...

...Which pretty much describes my mood perfectly lately. It's been a rough winter! I'm sick of snow, sick of cold, sick of clouds. I guess saying I have spring fever would be the understatement of the year! I've never really been too affected by the winter blahs but this year it has really hit me. I guess it's a combination of things. The weather, the fact that it's coming up on one year since Olivia was born, and we've been thrown a couple of "curve balls" in the last few months with new developements in our family. Nothing to worry about and I'll probably explain more another time. I'm definitely ready for sun, warm and some vitamin D! Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed and I'm certainly functioning properly, but there are days it has been a struggle and I'm very thankful for friends and family that have kept me moving and smiling!

I've thought so many times about posting something but I feel like I've had nothing to offer! We've just been sitting inside and waiting...waiting...waiting...

I have been doing a lot of cooking lately. I like cooking and being a PC consultant I've had fun trying lots of new recipes and using all my new tools! Andy has been working lots of overtime this month so I've used my "alone" time (yeah right, like I'm ever alone!) to cook 3 or 4 meals at a time and package them up in individual servings. Since he hasn't been home for meals it's been nice to have many options to grab and take to work and for me and Gwen at home. One of the new recipes I tried was Lemon Greek Chicken and since many of you asked for the recipe here it is!

Lemon Greek Chicken

3 lemons
1/4 c olive oil
4 garlic cloves, pressed
1 T dried oregano leaves
3/4 t salt
1/2 t coarsely ground black pepper
4 bone-in, skin-on chicken breasts
8 petite red potatoes
1 med red bell pepper
1 med red onion
8 oz white mushrooms

1. Preheat oven to 400*. Using zester/scorer, zest two of the lemons to measure 1 1/2 T zest. Juice one of the zested lemons using citrus press to measure 2 T juice. In stainless (4-qt/4-L) mixing bowl, combine zest, juice, oil, garlic pressed with garlic press, oregano, salt and black pepper; mix well. Place chicken on center of large bar pan. Using chef's silicone basting brush, brush chicken with about 2 T of the lemon juice mixture.

2. Cut potatoes in half using crinkle cutter. Cut bell pepper into 1-in strips using santoku knife. Cut onion into 1-in wedges. Thinly slice remaining lemon using ultimate mandoline fitted with v-shaped blade. Combine potatoes, bell pepper, onion, lemon slices and mushrooms with remaining lemon juice mixture in mixing bowl; toss to coat.

3. Arrange vegetables around chicken on pan. Bake 1 hour or until pocket thermometer registers 180* in thickest part of breast, brushing chicken and vegetables with pan juices after 30 minutes.



Pretty tasty but Andy and I both agreed that it had a bit of a bitter after taste and I'm wondering if that's because of the lemon slices. So maybe omit those and add a bit more zest??