It was nice to wake up this morning and see the sun out. Not that we haven't had any sun for awhile but I am excited for spring and summer to be here and I enjoyed the reminder of the changing seasons this morning.
Gwen and I just finished breakfast (actually she's still on her second egg!) and I'm sitting here contemplating what to scratch off of my list for today. Too much in one day equals Jenny being a very exhausted girl these days.
I went to the dr. the other day. Everything was fine like usual. I saw a new dr. this time. He actually knew my situation unlike the other new dr. I had seen several weeks ago. It was nice not to hear him say things like "woo hoo only 3 1/2 weeks left!! You're almost there!" They all should really read the charts before hand since they really don't know what they could be saying to patients like me. Anyway, he did know everything and we went over a few details about delivery. One thing he said was that Dr. M told him that I wanted to do everything including a c-section if I needed to for the baby. I said yes, of course, if we knew the baby was in fetal distress I would want a c-section just like with any other child I would have. His response was "well, you know many people would choose not to have one because the prognosis is so bad." UGH!! I calmly said that I understood the prognosis but if we knew that our baby was stressed and a section would normally be suggested then we would not want to let that go. (Gwen is now eating her second piece of toast! She has officially eaten as much as me for breakfast!) He was nice enough about it and said ok but that stuck with me for the rest of the day. All I could hear was him saying "because the prognosis is so bad". I just wanted to lash back at him and say "of course I know the prognosis is bad but why would I have made the decision back 5 months ago to keep my baby if I was going to let her go during delivery???????????? Even now it gets me all fired up!
The thing is that we already love Olivia so much! Just like any other child that a mother carries and delivers the love we feel for that child starts as soon as we see those two blue lines on the stick! And then of course when you feel the movements that's a whole new realm of love for that baby, finding out if it's a boy or girl, getting a belly, etc. Each new step in this pregnancy is just one more way that I already love her and so does Andy for as much as he can being the dad and NOT being pregnant! How much more does her creator love her?!!
I might never understand why God created Olivia this way. If he chooses not to heal her I might never understand why He put her in our lives only to take her away so soon. But He has given her to us and our decision and the right thing to do is to take care of her as much as we can until He decides that her time on earth is done. He has already given us much MUCH love for her and I know when I see her for the first time my love will grow even more like it did when I had Gwen. I do get nervous about delivery but when I think about seeing her and holding her I get excited! I'm having a baby!
Well, I have things to do and Gwen is in the process of destroying her sippy cup!
Please keep praying for us. 3 1/2 weeks is going to go extremely fast and there's still things to do before that. Please keep praying for healing and pray that God continues to show me whatever I need to know/do to prepare me for Olivia's arrival.
Enjoy the sun today!