It's been six weeks since Olivia died and it feels like an eternity and like it was yesterday all at the same time. Time is a funny thing so it is! No matter what it sill moves on, whether you want it to or not it still moves on. Honestly, I want it to. I feel myself waiting anxiously to see what the next few hours will bring and it really does bring comfort to know that in time things will become more clear, in time I won't feel so heartbroken, in time we will see blessings...in time the Lord will come and there will be no more tears.
I don't mean to sound depressing because in all actuality we are doing pretty good. I was starting to feel guilty about not being depressed, not grieving hard, etc, but someone brought to my attention that we have so many praying for us. I shouldn't allow myself to feel guilty, I should see this as God's blessing to us. Don't get me wrong, I do have bad days. I do cry. I do ache to have my baby in my arms and no matter how many more children I have they can't replace her. I want HER. But keep praying. Your prayers are working. We are blessed beyond what we could have imagined to have you all supporting us.
Jenny-
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty and transparency. It's so odd sometimes to see things unfold via the internet in the lives of people that are important to you despite the distance or lack of contact that happens as people grow up and forge out to make lives of their own. I just want you to know that you will always be my big sis and I love and respect you so much. Thanks for letting us shoulder this burden and growth with you. I'm sure that you have touched lives through these blogs in ways you may never know. I love and miss ya! -Friiiiiickers! (uuuuhhhh)